Unsent & Unnamed..

Unsent
dear (******) I liked you a lot I realize you're in a relationship with someone right now and I respect that I would like you to know that if you're ever single in the future and you want to come visit me in california I would be open to spending time with you and finding out how old you were when you wrote your first song dear (******) I liked you too much I used to be attracted to boys who would lie to me and think solely about themselves and you were plenty self-destructive for my taste at the time I used to say the more tragic the better the truth is
whenever I think of the early 90's your face comes up with a vengeance like it was yesterday
dear (****) I loved you muchly you've been nothing but open hearted and emotionally available and supportive and nurturing and consummately there for me I kept drawing you in and pushing you away I remember how beautiful it was to fall asleep on your couch and cry in front of you for the first time you were the best platform from which to jump beyond myself what was wrong with me dear (****..) you rocked my world you had a charismatic way about you with the women and you got me seriously thinking about spirituality and you wouldn't let me get away with kicking my own ass but I could never really feel and it's kinda too bad because we could've had much more fun..... dear DAVID.. we learned so much I realize we won't be able to talk for some time and I understand that as I do you the long distance thing was the hardest and we did as well as we could we were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives I will always have your back and be curious about you and your career your whereabouts..

Not my words.. but words that make me cry everytime I hear them.. I will NEVER forget you.. your love and what we had.. and I will ALWAYS love you.. my heart was broken.. and now mending.. but you will never be absent from it.. ever.. blessings and happiness to you.. forever..

Veritas..

What a beautiful word.. I'm transfixed by it right now.. Truth.. What is truth? Do any of us really have the answer to that? And don't we all believe that our own reality - belief - is truth? Most likely.. Then what is it after all? Self made.. or is there some basic foundation that is truth and not subject to anything.. or subjective for that matter..

Just thoughts..

I'm sure no one reads the crap I post here.. which is fine - its for me, not for all..

Met a boy - who I like.. A lot.. just not used to this not speeded up get involved in a hurry thing.. its good.. but its not my usual.. though my usual usually lands me lonley and in heartache.. so this is a refreshing, although frustrating change.. How come you don't want to spend every waking second with me?? uh huh.. grow up missy.. its time.. =)

I may be a Doctor one day.. 7-8 years from now.. thats a werid thought to me.. Dr. Meltingjar.. hmmm MeltingJar Psy.D. HAHAHA we shall see.. 80K would be worth it.. But man the work it will take!!! I lack all forms of discipline..

We shall see.. We shall see..