Thankful..

I should be sleeping right now.. preparing for another day at work – being busy about the business of whatever it is we do there. But I can’t.. I lay in bed right now and all I can think is that I’m thankful, and that I’m thankful the Lord has allowed me on the course that I have been on for the past 2 years. I am mature. I am open. I am free. I am more me and more of a Christian that I ever thought possible – and I understand the Lord now more than I ever could begin to comprehend before. Not that this knowledge is new – many have it – but it is new to me. Grace – God’s love surpassing man’s finite knowledge.
I no longer look at sin as "sin," dirty, icky, nasty, vile, repugnant – I see it for what it is. Imperfection. Us trying to make our way on our own and stumbling along at times, other times standing strong.. but always, off of where we should be – but I wonder if perhaps no one but God really knows where it is we should be. What is right, what is wrong – subjective in terms of Him. Sin is sin, yes. But so often we look at others with our clouded vision and yell Adulator! Harlot! Faggot! Liar! Sloth! Glutton! Whore! When in reality we have no clue where their hearts are – and it seems to me that the Lord ALWAYS judged the heart, never the action.
I am free to dine with the fornicator – I am free to be a fornicator (should I choose). I am free to laugh alongside the homosexual and love them wholeheartedly, not view them differently because they are "sinners." I am free to stand up and say that yes, there are many times when Abortion is just. I am free to say that man fails but God never does. I am free to live and know and breath the Love and Acceptance of the Lord for all of His creation. And I am thankful. Thankful that I am no longer bound to judgmentalism, legalism and the wretchedness of religiosity.
I am free.
And in that freedom I have found a greater heart than I ever thought possible.
I broke up with RK – and though I love him – I know that I will truly only ever be happy with one who is like unto me in the area of the Lord.. only there will I ever be able to fully walk in the Gifts that are given to me.. and I wonder if you’re out there.. and who you are.. and if you know I wait.
Yes, I am thankful – I have abundance.. I have been given abundance.. and I have abundance to give.