Seven Years..

I have Natalie Merchant's Tigerlily CD in and on repeat on the song Seven Years.. I lived this, and for pretty much that exact amount of time. I was "in love" with an ass of a man (see fucktard in earlier posts) and I thought he was the world - perfect. He was actually a liar, jerk, porn addict, slob and a loser. I saw none of this then. My blinders were on, my heart was clouded - both by his lies and my desire to believe them. On and off for seven years I went back and forth with this -- Not a man, child (not that I was much more at the point.. but at the very least, I was sincere - if not too emotionally involved.) I never even think about this guy and here was this song emoting every little thing I felt, did and experienced during this time.. crazy.

It is amazing to me to see how I have changed - how I am free. How I don't put up with any bullshit that my former self would have. Self confidence is an amazing thing. I don't need a man and if I am with one and he fails to meet certian standards now, I'm good with leaving it and walking away. I am free and happy with me now, no longer in need of empty fillers.
These lyrics speak so very much of where I was then - and I am thoughtful, yet estatic that I am free.. not only of him, but of so much more!

How did I love you?
there was no measuring
far above this dirty world
far above everything
in your tower over it
you were clean
so warm and insightful
were you in my eyes
I was sure the rightful
guardian of my life
damn you betrayer
how you lied
but for seven years
you were loved
I laid golden orchid crowns
around your feet
for seven years
I bowed down
to touch the ground
so wholly your devotee
you wereall I could see
I've got my sight now
I see everything you hid
so don't you try to right now
all the wrong you did
I might forget you
but never forgive
but for seven years
you were loved
I laid golden orchid crowns
around your feet
for seven yearsI bowed down
to touch the ground
so wholly your devotee
for seven years
you were so revered
I made offerings of
anything and everything I had
you wereall I could see