Stepping Forward..
Well, I did it, and we're miserable.
I've never loved myself enough to do what was best for me in regards to love, life and relationships when it comes to a man. I've also never chosen to walk away from someone I love. This time it is different, this time I am doing what is right and best for me. Growing up - scary!
There were tears, there is regret.. wanting to run back and take it all away - wanting to go back to what we are - what we were.. to have him back in my life in that position, standing beside me through everything as he has.. He is my best friend, he will be a HARD act to follow, I worry that in some ways others will not compare - but we shall see.
In the end I did what is best for me, what is right for me. I want to be married one day, and I'm not asking him to say yes I will marry you - but I, at the very least, want the option of that one day. And I know I am to be a Mommy one day, regardless of marital status. I love kids, I love babies, I love them at all ages, and one day I want the opportunity to pour my heart and life into a child in a way that was never given to me.. I want the same thing with a man.. to be able to pour my heart and life into him and have the like in return. I don't need it today, in fact, I am not in a position to have it today (school being far more important right now) but the option for it in the future.
He is still my best friend, we still talk to each other several times a day, still rely on each other for everything, still love being around each other, but some things have changed - I have released him. If he desires to date another, he is free to and my heart is accepting of that - it was my choice. I am free to date others, though I'm not at that point right now, so I will refrain until later. We still make plans for trips together months from now, we still look forward to things together, but we both know that the time will come that one of us will go another direction.. and we are free..
As sad as I am I am also releived.. And I know that for the first time ever I chose the best direction for me and that is terribly exciting.. No more hanging onto fucktards for years or months because I desperately want to be loved and love - (RK by no means is a fucktard.. the others are..) I'm in awe at the right decision.. the right choice.. the right path for me.. I'm amazed that I did it and that I'm good with it.. I'm amazed that I really don't put up with any type of setteling any longer.. I am amazed that I am FREE..
Life is good and full of hope and promise..
Beautiful..
I've never loved myself enough to do what was best for me in regards to love, life and relationships when it comes to a man. I've also never chosen to walk away from someone I love. This time it is different, this time I am doing what is right and best for me. Growing up - scary!
There were tears, there is regret.. wanting to run back and take it all away - wanting to go back to what we are - what we were.. to have him back in my life in that position, standing beside me through everything as he has.. He is my best friend, he will be a HARD act to follow, I worry that in some ways others will not compare - but we shall see.
In the end I did what is best for me, what is right for me. I want to be married one day, and I'm not asking him to say yes I will marry you - but I, at the very least, want the option of that one day. And I know I am to be a Mommy one day, regardless of marital status. I love kids, I love babies, I love them at all ages, and one day I want the opportunity to pour my heart and life into a child in a way that was never given to me.. I want the same thing with a man.. to be able to pour my heart and life into him and have the like in return. I don't need it today, in fact, I am not in a position to have it today (school being far more important right now) but the option for it in the future.
He is still my best friend, we still talk to each other several times a day, still rely on each other for everything, still love being around each other, but some things have changed - I have released him. If he desires to date another, he is free to and my heart is accepting of that - it was my choice. I am free to date others, though I'm not at that point right now, so I will refrain until later. We still make plans for trips together months from now, we still look forward to things together, but we both know that the time will come that one of us will go another direction.. and we are free..
As sad as I am I am also releived.. And I know that for the first time ever I chose the best direction for me and that is terribly exciting.. No more hanging onto fucktards for years or months because I desperately want to be loved and love - (RK by no means is a fucktard.. the others are..) I'm in awe at the right decision.. the right choice.. the right path for me.. I'm amazed that I did it and that I'm good with it.. I'm amazed that I really don't put up with any type of setteling any longer.. I am amazed that I am FREE..
Life is good and full of hope and promise..
Beautiful..
posted by The Melting Jar at 5:41 PM
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