Last Night..

Went over to KM's to hang out and possibly have a drink with her - and was reminded, exactly, of why I really don't drink.. Its 8am, I went to bed at 4am and I've been up for an HOUR!! Drinking gives me insomnia! BIG TIME! Fortunately I don't do it too often, never get hung over and just don't find it all that appealing of a thing to do - all good things - Just not me.

DN came over around midnight - Only to see me, I think he's a bit overexcited about the prospet of me - thinks he's found someone who fits into what he thinks he wants. I can honestly say - I'm not. His eyes lack the soul and life I am looking for in someone. Quite frankly, looking into his eyes remninds me of looking into my ex's DH - a year ago this may have fucked with my brain big time, today? Not so much. His style of dress, mannerisms, and even his speech sort of remind me of DH - RUN for the hills MJ - you know you don't want or really like this one. And no, I don't. Spent some time talking to him - getting to know him a little better.. for me? No chemistry. For him? No chance. I said I'd go out with him on Tuesday - but I think I'll let him off quickly and tell him I'm not interested, because I'm not.

I miss RK - we haven't seen each other since late Tuesday.. thats the longest we've gone since he was in Colorado for two weeks - hell, its the longest we've gone since we met. Between work and my interviewing people for the room and T being in town to play with him - no time.. good things, as I realize a few things - He is not a Christian, but I would rather be with him than a Christian - He adds to my life in a way I can't explain.. His eyes possess the soul I couldnt see in DN's last night. How is that if he "lacks" Jesus? I do not know, nor understand these things.

I'm sitting with KM's little ones right now watching VeggieTales - and I'm in love - and I know that one day I want to be a Mommy.. With RK? I don't possess that chance if his heart doesn't change - I don't know what this all means - I have a few months - I have some time.. I don't have to make decisions right now on this..

I'm babbling - and boring today.. I need sleep, but feel like that is a fleeting thing that will not happen today.. RAH!